Follow These 5 Tips If You Want To Be Positive

Follow These 5 Tips If You Want To Be Positive

In today's day and age, life has proved to be very challenging and everyone undergoes a lot of stress. All this stress leads up to negativity and frustration, which takes out the positivity from our lives and leaves us anxious.

However, to live life the way it is meant to be lived, you need to be positive. Given below are seven tips using which you can be and stay positive.

1. Meditation is proven to have positive effects in your life. Start meditation now if you don't already do it and start feeling the changes it brings to life. It will not only bring positivity, but would also make you more peaceful with your life.

2. Use the power of visualization. Picture every good thing that you want to have, every good situation that you want to be in. Human brain is very effective in visualizations. After some efforts, you would learn to think of good things and experience them as per your wishes. You would, more often than not, find yourself smiling at mere thoughts and would find a way to be positive again.

3. Indulge in one hobby that makes you happy. If you can take on this hobby as your career, well and good but if not, this should not stop you from following your passion. When you do what you love, you are happy and when you are happy, you are positive, which is the right way to live.

4. Say thanks for anything and everything. One good start of doing so can be the perfect expression of gratitude for every good thing that you have in life. When you start to acknowledge and appreciate everything, you would find yourself in the shadow of a new positivity, which would bring you smiles and happiness.

5. Be surrounded with positive thoughts. While it is not in your control to choose the people you are surrounded with, you can still take a step to ensure that you have inspiring quotes around you. At your workstation, on your social media accounts, as your cell phone wallpapers, there are a lot of places from where good thoughts can enter your life.

Whenever You Compare Yourself to Someone on Social Media, Set a Goal

Whenever You Compare Yourself to Someone on Social Media, Set a Goal

 People only post the best parts of their lives on social media, so it's easy to find ourselves making comparisons. Next time, figure out whether your feelings are telling you to get better at something, and set a goal to do so. 

Maybe you wish you had a better relationship with your family, or were more health conscious, and see other people doing these things and it makes you feel low. There's really no end to what we could compare ourselves to on these sites, but the comparisons can be reshaped into something positive.

Tiny Buddha explains how these moments, when you compare yourself to others, might be an opportunity to see which areas of your life you really want to improve:

As unpleasant as these comparisons can feel, they can serve a positive purpose in that they inform us of an area of our lives that may benefit from some improvement. The incident served as a reminder that I want to be secure enough in who I am and where I am in life that I don't feel the need to measure it in comparison to anyone else (least of all, a stranger).

After my strong reaction to a stranger's Facebook profile, I decided to work on developing a stronger sense of confidence and self-worth. I've done this in a number of different ways such as:

• Putting a higher value on my relationships. I have amazing friends and family, but I admit that I often take them for granted. I've tried to become more present in my interactions with them, as well as in encounters with complete strangers.
• Valuing my time more. In the past, I've been much more cognizant and respectful of others' time than my own. I'm practicing putting my needs first and learning to accept that it is okay to do.
• Doing more of what I love. Sounds simple, but I've really made an effort to go on quiet walks with my dog more or allow myself an hour to read a book. Doing things simply because I like to do them has given me an increasing amount of self-value.
• Eating well and moving. I make sure to put my body in motion for at least thirty minutes a day (even if it's just walking the dog), and I eat small, healthy meals throughout the day so I don't find myself snacking mindlessly on junk. Putting a higher value on my body by eating clean and getting exercise has naturally given me a higher sense of self worth.

So, next time you make an unfair comparison, instead of allowing it to make you feel poorly about yourself, view it as an opportunity for a little self-evaluating.We can find inspiration to better ourselves almost anywhere, and social media is no exception. Hit the link below to read some other tips on how to deal with comparing yourself to others on social media.

 

Strategies for Cultivating a Mindset of Financial Independence

Strategies for Cultivating a Mindset of Financial Independence

As I've stated many times, Sarah and I have a central goal of financial independence at the earliest possible age. Financial independence, to us, means that the requirement of money in exchange for our work becomes entirely optional, leaving us to choose options for our work based entirely on our own skills and personal joy. Considering our twenties were disastrous from a financial standpoint, we're aiming to be able to achieve this goal in our mid-forties or so - a decade down the road, if all goes well.

This post originally appeared at The Simple Dollar.
The biggest challenge of adopting such an enormous goal is that the only way to actually achieve it is to change your mindset. That enormous goal needs to underline how you look at the world and the decisions you make.
That can be a difficult transition. When you commit to saving a major portion of your household income each year, you're choosing to live in a way that's likely significantly different than how you were raised and also significantly different than how the vast majority of Americans live.
You have to think a little differently - and the only way to do that is to cultivate a different mindset.
Over the last several years, I've spent an awful lot of my time cultivating that mindset - unintentionally at first, and then, eventually, with full intention. I've read mountains of books on self-improvement, personal finance, and psychology. In the end, I've found a handful of practices that really work well in terms of cultivating that kind of mindset.

What Do You Want Most from Your Life?

Every single day, I spend at least a few minutes thinking about what I want from my life. By that, I don't just mean the rest of the day or tomorrow or the weekend. I think about things like what my children will tell my grandchildren about me or what might be said in my eulogy or the sum total of people I've positively impacted during my time on this earth.
Those are big, weighty things and they can be hard to really think about. So much of our future is shrouded in a mist of uncertainty. We often don't know exactly what our life will be like tomorrow, let alone in five years or in twenty.
What we can think about are principles. When someone describes you in a single sentence at the end of your life, how will they describe you? When you leave this world, will you have left a positive impact on a lot of lives? How will you achieve those things?
When you spend your time thinking about the short term - today, tomorrow, this weekend - it becomes a lot easier to justify expenses. This weekend might be a lot cooler or better if I bought this item or went on this trip.
When you spend your time thinking about the long term - your big objectives over the rest of your life - those expenses start seeming a lot less meaningful. Does a new dress for the party this weekend really matter very much? What really matters is the relationships you build there - and if those relationships don't matter, why go?

How Do Your Daily Choices Work Toward That Life?

Still, I'm human. When I'm already in the mindset of thinking about the big patterns in my life, I can't help but want to relate them to those short-term things - today, tomorrow, this weekend. Sometimes, they can seem unrelated.
What I try to do is think through things that happened in the last few days and the things I intend to do in the near future with those big ideals in mind. I'm going to the store tomorrow. How will my choices there affect those bigger life goals?
I often walk through interactions I've had and have and purchasing decisions I have made and will make while trying to keep those big things in mind. I'll walk through a social interaction I had. Did I actually cultivate a relationship there? If not, why not? I'll walk through that upcoming trip to the store. What kinds of foods should I buy for my long-term goals? (Healthy ones, ideally at a low cost.) Should I spend my money on incidental things? (No.)
A lot of people do these kinds of mental walkthroughs - I know I've always done it, even when I was little. The difference is that I try to shadow those walkthroughs with my lifelong goals. I don't think about momentary or short-term pleasures when I'm doing this. I try to think about nothing but the long term and how the situation I'm thinking through helps me with my life goals.
Naturally, I don't always do everything in terms of the long term, but by thinking through these situations, I make a lot more choices and handle a lot more interactions with the eye toward the long term than I once did.

Learn How to Separate Needs and Wants

The vast, vast majority of things in our lives are wants. Because we're accustomed to an affluent life, we've come to believe that an awful lot of things in our lives are needs because we've become so used to having a want fulfilled.
When you step back and look at how many wants are fulfilled in our day-to-day lives, it's impossible not to feel incredibly blessed.
I really like how Jacob Lund Fisker explains this concept in his book Early Retirement Extreme, which I discussed recently. Here's what he has to say:

Consider, for example, shelter. Here the list of choices may look like this:
1. Sleeping under open air.
2. Sleeping under a tarp, bascha, or hootchie.
3. Living in a tent.
4. Couch surfing.
5. Living in a shack or a cabin.
6. Living in a ship cabin or a truck cab.
7. Living in a car or a boat.
8. Living in an RV.
9. Sharing a room with other people.
10. Having your own room.
11. Sharing an apartment with other people.
12. Having your own apartment.
13. Sharing a home with other people.
14. ...
On this scale there is no demarcation of when a need becomes a want. Each step is slightly different and slightly more expensive than the previous step, with no indication of what the bare minimum is, other than having a place to sleep.

I have family members and friends who have lived at level three and four on this list and they're perfectly functional, wonderful people. I live somewhere around level seventeen. The difference between the two is just the fulfillment of a lot of wants.
Now, I'm not advocating that people live in tents like hermits. That's not the point. The point is that if you stop and reflect on your life from this perspective, you begin to see the huge number of wants we have fulfilled on a daily basis and how truly rich and wonderful our lives really are.
I have so much. I have a wonderful big house to live in that is shared only with people I dearly love. Why would I want more? I have a dresser full of well-fitting clothes that look reasonably good on me. Why would I want more? I have more board games that I'll likely ever be able to play to the point that they're "boring" or "routine." The same is probably true for books. I eat amazing meals multiple times a day.
My life is amazing. Why do I need to keep throwing money at more and more and more wants?
Spend some time each day reflecting on all of the things that you have in your life that fulfill wants. Make some lists like that list of housing options. Consider the line where you personally differentiate between "need" and "want" and then reflect on where you find yourself. You have so much.
Whenever I think through this, I begin to realize how much money I spend on pure wants that don't really add anything significant to my life. If I spend money, it either needs to take care of a basic need, take care of someone else I care about, or extend some core value of my life. If I'm not doing one of those three things, the expense feels pretty empty.

Separate Your Desires from the Desires of Others

The most powerful trick that advertisers and marketers use is that they mess with the line between want and need. They pull in peer pressure, the need for self-actualization, the need for love and to be loved, and many other things and use those to convince us that some thing is a need - or much closer to it than you might have thought. They actively try to alter your desires to match what they want, in other words. This doesn't just happen in advertisements; it occurs in "news" stories, product placements within other programs, and countless other ways.
In a less pernicious way, the people around you do the same thing. When you see someone else feeling pride or happiness, it's a normal human reaction to want to feel those things as well. When you see what has triggered those feelings, it's a normal human reaction to desire whatever it is that triggered those feelings. We want to "keep up" with them. We want to feel good like they do. We may even want to "beat" them in some fashion.
The end result of both of these things is an alteration of our own desires. We suddenly desire something we didn't desire before. A very minor desire is suddenly amplified into a much bigger one. A nonexistent desire can suddenly bubble into something you must have or must experience.
There are a lot of ways to deal with this and I'm going to mention a few more below, but one very useful strategy is to simply think about your current strong "wants" and ask yourself why you want them. Think about the one or two things you want most right now and ask why you want those items. Then go further - what about that item do you not want? The price tag? Some attribute of the item?
The more you do this, the more you get in tune with what you personally want, separate from others. Often, that list of wants is much smaller, meaning you're less likely to spend money and time on things that aren't deeply meaningful to you, and much clearer, meaning the things you do spend money on will have deeper meaning to you.

Research All of Your Purchases

Whenever you make a major purchase - and I define "major" as anything over $20 or so - it's well worth spending time in advance of the purchase researching that purchase.
No matter what the purchase is, I'll try to learn more about the specific product I'm buying as well as any significant competitors. I'll look for multiple comparative reviews that puts the various options side by side and runs them through their paces. Once I'm sure of the one or two or three options I'd be willing to buy, I spend time shopping around for the best price I can find both online and offline.
This can be a rabbit hole of time, of course. I usually break it up over several short sessions. I'll find some comparative reviews and read them during one session. I'll find some more during another one. In between, I'll think about what exactly I want from the item. I'll then spend a session or two shopping around for that item, often adding it to price-tracking tools like CamelCamelCamel.
Why? If I'm going to spend my money on something, I want to get something worthwhile for that money. I want something I'll actually use. I want something that will actually last. I want something that is going to provide an excellent experience for the price.
I even advocating researching small, regular purchases. It's well worth spending some time reading magazines like Consumer Reports and knowing what their "best buy" recommendations are for your common purchases, from paper towels to garbage bags and everything else.
Taking this effort ensures that when you spend money on non-spontaneous stuff, you're getting good stuff at a good price. This should be a completely natural thing, too.

Take Your Time and Be Patient

It is really, really easy to get impatient in life, today more than ever. With so much information available at a click of the mouse, it's easy to get frustrated when the answers we want aren't present immediately. It's easy to get frustrated when the changes we want don't happen incredibly quickly.
Financial independence uses a mindset that is almost entirely the opposite of that. Financial independence is all about the long term. It's about patience. It's about taking your time. It's about being willing to move slowly toward something big that really matters instead of moving quickly toward something small that doesn't matter as much.
There are countless specific practices you can use to improve your patience. Active listening is one. Note-taking is another (and I'll hit on that one again in a minute). Forcing yourself to slow down is yet another one. Different practices seem to work well for different people.
In the end, your focus should be on doing things well more than doing things quickly. Naturally, that's not always an option, especially in professional situations, but you should strive to do that again and again at every opportunity in your life.
For example, in conversation, instead of just rushing from your point to your next point, actively listen to the other person and respond to what they're saying instead of just pushing your ideas out there. It takes longer, but it makes for a better conversation and a much deeper connection.
When you're repairing a toilet, take the time to make sure everything is well connected and cleaned up well. It takes longer, but the repair will last far longer and the bathroom will look better, too.
When you're doing the dishes, take the time to load the dishwasher properly. It takes longer, but the dishes will wind up cleaner and you'll also spend less time later reloading the dishwasher.
Practicing patience in the little things in life like this ends up gradually cultivating patience in other areas of life. As with the other steps in this article, it's not an immediate transformation, but every step in a more patient direction makes achieving financial independence just a little bit easier.

Educate Yourself Daily

Spend at least a little time each day learning something new about the world on a deeper level than a tweet or a news article. This practice is beneficial in several ways.
One, it teaches you something new about the world. That in itself is a good thing. No matter what you learn, you improve your understanding of the world around you.
Two, it gives you material to draw upon when you're trying to understand other topics. Our world is interconnected in so many ways. The more you understand about a variety of things in our world, the easier it is to understand other things as they're presented to you. You can make sense of things much easier.
Three, it forces you to think. To understand a new idea requires you to use your mind in a powerful way. Your mind is like a muscle in that the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Learning something new is much like a powerful workout at the gym, except that it is your mind that is growing. It becomes much easier to learn other things if you're familiar with the practice of learning.
Four, it can open up new avenues for earning money. Whenever you learn a new skill or become more proficient in a certain area, you become more likely to be able to capitalize on that skill or knowledge. At the very least, it can help you keep the expense of specialists at bay.
Finally, it can open up new avenues of personal interest. Areas that previously seemed dull can gradually be illuminated and become exciting to you as you learn. I've found myself taking on a serious interest in many things that I would have scoffed at earlier on in my life.
Personally, I spend some time each day (usually) reading an article or a section of a book that is either a factual presentation of something I don't know much about (and would like to know) or presents a perspective on an issue that's different than what I think or what I'm normally exposed to. I try to take notes on that article or book section as I read because I've found that I recall things much better if I write them down with my own hand.
I usually try to spend some time at least a few times a week on learning a new skill. I'll figure out how to repair something or how to install a level shelf or how to play a musical instrument.
This process enriches my life in many dimensions. I'm much more willing to do things for myself. I'm much more willing to explore the world around me. I'm much more willing to try things outside of my comfort zone. All of those things point in the direction of financial independence.

Maximize Appreciation of the Free Things in Life

For me, this seemed to naturally evolve from some of the other practices on this list, particularly when I took on the practice of learning new things and new skills every day and when I started seriously examining the line between needs and wants and realizing how much bounty my life contained.
It doesn't cost me a thing to experience the warmth of sun on my neck or the touch of coolness that comes from the breeze.
It doesn't cost me a thing to go exploring in the woods and finding interesting things, like an ancient graveyard or an old house or a pond.
It doesn't cost me a thing to do a bunch of bodyweight exercises and feel the endorphins rushing through my system.
It doesn't cost me a thing to meditate or to pray and lose myself in the power of the moment.
It doesn't cost me a thing to pull out an old board game from my shelf and play it or to pull out an old book from my shelf and read it. It doesn't cost me a thing to check out a book from the library, either.
It doesn't cost me a thing to start a collection of rocks I've found or of birds I've seen or of geocaches I've located or of mushrooms I've spotted.
It doesn't cost me a thing to kiss my wife or hold my youngest son or make my daughter laugh that wonderful laugh that she has.
The more I engage in all of those things, the more I realize how much beauty and depth and joy they contain and how much they bring to my life.
It leaves me wondering why I spend money on so many of the things that I do. And that leaves me spending a lot less money. And that leads, unsurprisingly, to achieving a lot of financial goals.

Build Reinforcing Relationships

When you think about the other elements of this article, ask yourself this: is this how the other people in your life think and behave?
Do the people around you actively listen to you when you talk to them? Do they spend their time trying to learn new things? Are they careful about their purchases? Do they like to engage in things that don't cost money, whether they're with you or in other situations?
People like that already have most of the elements of a mindset of financial independence. It's present from their behavior.
If you wish to cultivate a similar mindset, those are the people you should be spending time with and building a strong relationship with.
Why? The people you spend time with rub off on you. Many of their habits and interests and quirks integrate themselves into your own life. If a friend of yours spends a lot of time on a hobby, chances are that you'll at the very least be more aware of that hobby. If a friend of yours practices certain daily rituals, the chances are greater that they'll seem normal and inviting to you as well.
Evaluate the people in your life and see whether or not they are living lives that point toward financial independence and personal growth. When you find people that are, make an extra effort to build a stronger relationship with those people.
Doing so will give you friends who listen, friends who won't encourage you to spend money on needless things all the time, and friends who will often have valuable insights into all kinds of things in life. Their behavior will rub off, too.

Final Thoughts

Financial independence is most successful when it's not something you hold at a distance in your life. Instead, it becomes integrated into everything you do, becoming a part of your day-to-day choices even when those choices seem to have little to do with money.
It's not an on-and-off switch, either. It's a gradual process. No one should drop all of their friends, change all of their hobbies, and completely alter their time use all at once - that's not healthy.
Instead, draw on these steps little by little throughout your life. Bookmark this page (or save this email) and look at it regularly. When it comes into your mind, try some of these practices. Be patient with a purchase. Learn something new today... and then again tomorrow. Call up a friend who exhibits some good financial independence traits and invite them over for dinner. Go for a walk in the woods and appreciate the beauty around you.
All of these steps build on themselves and reinforce each other, gradually changing how you see the world.

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome: What to Do When You Feel Like a Fraud

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome: What to Do When You Feel Like a Fraud

 Everyone feels it at some point in their professional life: I'm a fraud and everyone is about to find out. It's healthy to question your own qualifications and take pause, but then you need to find a way to move forward and regain your confidence.

What is impostor syndrome? It's feeling like an impostor when you're not. Like you're a fraud and the whole world is going to find you out. This makes total sense for undercover agents and people selling snake oil. It doesn't make so much sense for people who are trying to make the world a little better or to sell something they believe in.

It's comforting to hear when famous high achievers feel the same way:

"The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: 'I'm a fraud! Oh God, they're on to me! I'm a fraud!' So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud." - Tina Fey  

"There are an awful lot of people out there who think I'm an expert. How do these people believe all this about me? I'm so much aware of all the things I don't know." Dr. Chan, Chief of the World Health Organization 

"I still think people will find out that I'm really not very talented. I'm really not very good. It's all been a big sham." - Michelle Pfeifer  

"Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can't do this. I'm a fraud." - Kate Winslett 

"I have written eleven books, but each time I think, 'uh oh, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.' " - Maya Angelou

Emma Watson, Sheryl Sandberg, and Sonia Sotomayor have also admitted to feeling like they'll be found out for the frauds they are. 

Seth Godin wrote in The Icarus Deception that after a dozen best sellers he still feels like a fraud all the time. This problem is only getting worse as more of us are tied to our online presences; we're in this weird culture where you've got to sell yourself aggressively while remaining "authentic." You think you need to be perfect but you also need to feel free to fail. You need to be yourself and more! Trying to be sincere while being self-conscious of how you present yourself can make you feel like a fraud. Here are the ways I keep going when I feel like a fraud:

17 Ways To Overcome Impostor Syndrome

1. Come off it.

Usually I feel like a fraud when I think I'm more important than I am. When you feel like a fraud it's in relation to some perfection that never actually existed. Letting go of some of your excess self-importance will go a long way in helping you feel less like a fake.

2. Accept that you have had some role in your successes.

 We feel like frauds because we are "unable to internalize our successes." We were given an opportunity that others weren't. And so nothing we achieve after that opportunity was actually deserved.
John D. Rockefellar's oldest son felt that strongly. His entire life's work was giving away money that his dad made. Can you imagine the intense impostor syndrome he must have felt? Holy moly.
There are plenty of people born with a silver spoon that still manage to fuck up. They were given every opportunity and never could take advantage of them. Opportunities come to those who expose themselves to them.
It's not all "fair," not at all. But you did do something to get where you are. You said yes when you could have said no (or perhaps in a more challenging situation, you said no when you could have said yes).

3. Focus on providing value.

I feel like a fraud when I'm concerned about myself. What will they think of me? If I fail they'll shun me. I don't know as much as that other guy, I have no right to say anything on the topic. Blah blah blah. The fastest way to get over feeling like a fraud is to genuinely try to help someone else.
This is hard because what if they hate you for it? What if they make fun of you for trying to help? What if your sincerity is smashed under the laughter of others? Then OUCH! That hurts bad. Not nearly as bad as it hurts to feel like a shell of yourself though. I remember the first time I wrote vulnerably. I had gone through severe depression and had benefitted from reading about others being depressed. I felt obligated to share my story. It's a couple years later now and I still get emails telling me how helpful the letter was to them. Not one person made fun of me for that. At least to my face.

4. Keep a file of people saying nice things about you.

 I just started this earlier this year and it's been amazing. Every time someone writes that I helped them online I take a screenshot and put it in my folder. When I feel like a fraud I can go look through the stories of people I have helped. There is a mom who's 18 year old boy was shaken out of being stuck because of something I had written. There are a whole series of entrepreneurs who started businesses because of articles I've written. There are successful entrepreneurs that were reinvigorated by something I wrote. There are a whole slew of people at rock bottom who have found life worth living again because of something I wrote. Those things keep me putting stuff out there. Because, honestly, it's easy to forget that writing can do any good. Collect your wins, testimonials, whatever and then visit them when you're feeling like a fraud.

5. Stop comparing yourself to that person.

There's no good reason for you to be reading what I'm writing. There are world class biographies of Warren Buffett, John D. Rockefeller, and Einstein. James Altucher has had more successes than me. Peter Thiel just wrote a book. Tim Ferriss, Paul Graham, Kevin Kelly... these guys blog! But still, I'm writing this because I think I have something to offer. Actually, when I look at my praise file I have proof that I have something to offer.
When I compare myself to these others it's easy to fall into the trap of "my life sucks compared to that life." You might as well not even do anything! Your life isn't the best life! Emerson said, "Envy is ignorance..." and he was right on. You aren't here to live the life of another person. You're here to do whatever life you can. Turn Facebook off, get off Instagram, stop reading biographies of "successful" people and learn to respect your own experience. You're not a fraud, you're just you.

6. Expose yourself totally. 

 Part of the twisted arrogance that causes impostor syndrome is the (usually unconscious) belief that you have extreme powers that the world couldn't handle. Or maybe it's just that you think you are a freak. You certainly have the ability to offer the world something that nobody else can... but really it's not that wild! You are not nearly as much of a freak as you think you are. Again, come off it, you're just not that special.

Try this: write for 30 minutes the most insane things about yourself. You will never show anybody this. Write your most ridiculous beliefs, your most terrible thoughts, your biggest fraud! Just write gibberish if you think that is crazy. Push into the deepest taboos you hold. Seeing these on paper doesn't get rid of them but externalizing things puts them in a more sane perspective.

Alternatively, try stream-of-conscious writing. Write for 30 minutes nonstop. You can't put your pen down. If there is no thought in your head then write "I can't think of anything" until you do. This will constantly put you in touch with what's going on inside yourself.

It's very useful to let your mind wander, and it might help to show you how silly impostor syndrome is.
 
7. Treat the thing as a business or experiment. 

 Today there is a whole slew of artist-entrepreneurs. We call part of what we do "content creation." There has never been a time in history where so many people have a voice. No wonder we're all suffering from impostor syndrome.
Start treating your art as a business. Not to the point that you start making crap because it's what people like, but to the point that you are honestly trying to serving your area of the market. In a business, if a product doesn't sell, you stop making it.

If nobody shares this post or leaves comments then I'll assume that nobody wants to hear me talk about impostor syndrome-so I'll stop. I won't wallow in my failure and think the world hates me. I'm running a test. Looking at it this way makes it easier to create the thing freely, even if everything isn't a smash hit.
8. Remember: being wrong doesn't make you a fake.

The best basketball players miss most of the shots they take. The best traders lose money on most trades. Presidents are wrong about stuff all the time. The best football teams inevitably lose. Losing is just part of the game. Don't glorify failure, but don't let it make you feel like you're not a real contender either.

9. "Nobody Belongs Here More Than You.

" That's the title of Miranda July's collection of stories-which I haven't read, but I agree with it. Why do we feel we don't deserve to be in the game? Because we haven't won it yet? We haven't even tried! Break people down into what they are: expiring meat sacks.
We are all going to die, we just take different routes to get there. One of the most attractive qualities in a person is acceptance. Acceptance of themselves and acceptance of you. If you can admit that nobody belongs here more than you (while maintaining the belief that you don't belong here any more than anyone else) you will find yourself making connections with people in powerful ways.
Do you want to be on your deathbed regretting that you spent your entire life stopping yourself because you felt like a fraud? Maybe you can't shake the feeling that you're a fraud. You can force yourself to move forward despite the feeling.

10. Realize that when you hold back, you're robbing the world.

If you walk around feeling that you should be someone else or that you don't deserve to be here, then all your bad vibes rub off on other people. Your stunted expression means that you can't be there for people who need you.
Everyone has doubts, the best gift you can give the world is to move forward regardless of the doubts-because it gives us the permission to move forward as well.

11. Say what you can.

We are often put in the position of "expert." When this happens, people look at you like you should know everything about a topic. We can't know everything about everything though. If I'm in a situation where there is potential to actually be a fraud-i.e. bullshit about things I don't know-I just say what I can, as limited as it may be, and be honest with my limitations. People respect this much more. Admit that you don't yet have the answer but you'll find it.

12. Realize that nobody knows what they're doing.

 Most startups fail. Even the ones that you hear about raising millions of dollars fail all the time. Nobody knows exactly what's going on. There are a ton of people who will tell you they know the answers. These people are liars.
The world we live in is the result of a lot of brave people tinkering, failing, and succeeding once in a while. Nobody knows what's next: some are willing to play ball in the face of uncertainty and some aren't. You're not an impostor for trying something that might not work.
13. Realize that you are not a constant.

 You're constantly changing. You're constantly becoming a new person. Your opinions change with new information (I hope). You spend six months eating donuts and then you spend six months at the gym. Last year you were obsessed with Call of Duty, now you don't understand video games. Maybe you were in a terrible mood this morning. Maybe you're a bit brighter now.

"There is as much difference between us an ourselves as there is between us and others." - Michel de Montaigne

You are growing into something different. You are getting better. How? By trying to do something better than you actually can. That's not a lie, that's valor.

14. Authenticity is a hoax.

What is being authentic? I'm not going to write to my grandma using the same words as I use to write to my sister. I'm not even going to emphasize the same interests I have. You represent yourself differently to different people all the time, without being dishonest.
There is no person you can be other than you. Ever. The impostor syndrome will have you believe that you are being inauthentic, or that you are a liar. If that's true then where is your true self? The impostor syndrome doesn't give an answer because it doesn't have one. Tell it to eff off and realize that unless you are literally lying to people, you are just being yourself.

15. See credentials for what they are.

 They don't mean much. "Expert" means someone decided to call them that. "PhD" doesn't necessarily mean someone knows more than you, but it does mean they spent a lot of time in school. (And they likely do know way more than you about some very specific topic, of course.)
Don't measure yourself by credentials. It takes the focus away from actually doing good things, and it won't shut up the impostor syndrome for long either if you focus on what credentials you do or don't have.

16. Find one person to whom you can say, "I feel like a fraud.

" Being able to say that out loud to another person can be a huge help. Especially when they laugh at you for it-and then acknowledge that they feel the same way.

17. Realize that faking things actually does work.

Sometimes faking it doesn't make you a fraud. If you smile, your body will be more generous with happy chemicals and actually make you happier.

When you were a baby you tried to walk and fell down every time. Were you a walking impostor? Who are you to walk!? You can't even do it! It's absurd!

Silicon Valley has been built by people trying to do things that probably weren't going to work. We need them to keep trying. We need you to keep trying. We need you. Whether you feel like an impostor or not.

 

Spookiest DIY Halloween Party Decoration Ideas

  

The spookiest time of the year is just around the corner! If you are planning a Halloween party, enthrall your guests with these amazing DIY Halloween party decoration ideas! These simple ideas will definitely get everyone into the mood!

 How Your Failed Relationships Make The ‘Successful One’ Awesome; Conditions Apply

 Break-ups, failed relationships, heartbreaks are something that many of us go through in our life at some point or the other. Some go through it more often than others, while some go through it more reluctantly than others. Nevertheless, it does happen. When it happens, it seems difficult, unbearable, painful and awful. The good news is: in the end it is all those 'so-called' failed relationships that help us make the successful one. This article shows how that happens.

Helps you find out who you truly are

Unlike the fairy tale romance in novels and movies, the truth is that not all of us meet that one person with whom we want to spend our entire life in the first try. Neither are we supposed to! It is quite crucial for us to meet all those people with whom our relationships didn't work in order to discover who we truly are. Romantic relationships expose those sides (both good and bad) of us that we are often unaware of or choose to ignore. 

For example, if a person is insecure by nature, that aspect of his/her personality will be exposed clearly and undeniably to them (and of course their partner) in a relationship, which otherwise will be difficult to notice. Once you know your own devils you can work towards improving those aspects of your personality. So that, when you finally meet the 'one', you will be ready, more than ever, to embrace them and your relationship fully without any hiccups from your personality devils like insecurity (provided you have learned your lesson the first time and worked on that aspect).

Similarly, relationships also expose the positive side of you which you may be unaware of. For instance, being with a person who doesn't believe in basic goodness of people and is always suspicious, you may come to know about your own faith in the general goodness of people and life. Now in a situation like that you may end the relationship and that relationship may get the tag of 'failure' but what you learned from that about yourself is something that will stay with you. When you get into a relationship next time you will explore the person's views on the issue, which will ensure a better connection between the two of you which may eventually contribute to the success of that relationship

The bottom line is: once you are able to discover the real you (good and bad), you will be ready to be a part of a happy relationship/marriage.

Helps you learn to love and accept yourself

One of the biggest reasons that cause relationships to fail is that people don't feel that their partner loves and accepts them truly. There will be plenty of couples around you who will be always complaining about how they love their partner more and in return get less attention, care and love from the partner. Once you feel and experience that in a relationship, you slowly learn to stand up for yourself. You slowly learn that you need to love and accept yourself first before anyone else can and that's a breakthrough in relationships. Once you learn to love yourself and accept yourself, life will change for you and so will your relationships. 

You learn to love and accept others as they are

  Clearly, once you learn to love and accept yourself as you are, you automatically learn to love and accept others as they are. And that's a basic foundation of any successful relationship.

The catch: what you need to do

Now, there is one little catch or let's say one little thing that you need to do in order to let all these failed relationship be a stepping stone to that successful one: be complete with all those people with whom it didn't work. Now, finding out if you are complete with the past and those people from the past, can be a tricky task. So, here is a simple guide: Ask yourself if you meet your ex in a party or at a restaurant, how will you feel and how will you behave? a) Will you be awkward/uncomfortable/angry/irritated/upset/sad and will try to avoid them or finish the meeting as soon as possible? or b) Will you be comfortable and relaxed and will greet them with a smile, ask them how they are, what is happening with them and then gently move on to meet other people in the party or to your table in the restaurant?

If your answer is a) then clearly you don't have closure with the person and are not complete in those relationships. You need to complete it with them else similar people and relationships will keep popping up in your life until you learn your lesson and get your closure. Now completing with an ex not necessarily means calling them or meeting them and telling them everything you want to. As in most cases this may be difficult for you to do practically as well as emotionally. One of the simplest way to get your completion with them is to write a letter to them and tell them everything you want to say. Everything! Let your feelings come out, be it anger, rage, frustration, irritation, jealousy, fear, love, care, worry, etc. Write it as if you are telling them all that face to face. Don't leave anything unsaid. Once finished with it don't send/post that letter to your ex or anyone else. Just tear it to the smallest possible pieces, burn it or flush it. By the end of this process you will sense the difference in terms of how you feel about your ex and about that relationship and that is the ultimate indication that you have a completion and are ready to move on in the truest sense.

If your answer to the question is b) congratulations, you are on the right track, keep doing what you are doing, keep a tab of all that you have learned from those relationships that didn't work and smile.

 

Last word

Stop beating yourself for all your so-called failed relationships. Just reflect and see what went wrong and what went right in them. Learn, complete and move on, life has so much more to offer!

Need Longer Hair? Do These Yoga Poses

Need Longer Hair? Do These Yoga Poses

Gone are the days when everyone had long and healthy hair. With the increasing level of competition giving us all so much of stress, it is difficult if not impossible for us to have healthy hair.

Well as usual, we can find a solution in Yoga. Given below are some yoga poses that you can do to get healthier and happier hair.

Wash Chili Oil Off Your Hands with Baking Soda

Wash Chili Oil Off Your Hands with Baking Soda

 

If you aren't careful with hot peppers like jalapeños, you'll get the burning oils on your hands. Ouch. Once on your hands, they'll transfer anywhere. Double ouch. Clean up those hands with some baking soda.

We've covered using oil and milk to ease the pain and give you some relief. The principle here is the same: the baking soda absorbs some of the oil from your skin.
The Kitchn explains:

Make a thick paste of baking soda and water and apply it directly to your hands. Leave it on until it dries before washing off.

Baking soda is also the least expensive solution, and something you're likely to have around the kitchen. Check out the link for some other remedies for pepper burn.

Get Rid of that "Old Book Smell" with Cornstarch

Get Rid of that "Old Book Smell" with Cornstarch

 

If you've got some books that have been sitting around in the attic, they might pick up "old book smell". Sprinkling some cornstarch helps get rid of the smell without damaging the book.

POPSUGAR explains how to safely remove that smell:

Grab a box of cornstarch and stand books on their sides slightly open over a length of parchment paper or on a large flat surface, allowing you to easily sweep up cornstarch to use again on other books. Now sprinkle the cornstarch over the book, fanning pages out to coat. Let your old books set overnight, then shake out the cornstarch. The result? Fresh books!

You'll want to be careful shaking it you so you don't damage the binding or the pages. Check out the link for other ways to use cornstarch.

Save Money For An Epic Shopping Spree

10 Great Ways To Save Money For An Epic Shopping Spree

 

The festive season is all about shopping! But for that, you need to have a bit of a corpus saved up. If you aren't sure where to begin cutting corners, here are 10 great ways to saving money for your epic shopping spree!

We get it, you love your Starbucks caramel macchiato first thing in the morning, but a daily indulgence like a store-bought cup of coffee can add up to quite a bit at the end of the month. Instead, make your own coffee at home, and indulge in your favorite store-bought coffee once a week as a treat.

Cut down on your phone bills

 
If you talk, text, and browse the web excessively on your mobile phone, you should make a conscious effort to cut down on that. Try and use your home or office landlines to make phone calls or use free apps like Viber if you make a lot of international or STD calls. You could even ask your mobile service provider to suggest a plan that will best suit your usage.

Carpool

 
Travel is one expense that can be quite massive, especially with fuel prices soaring with each passing day. Cut down on travel costs by carpooling with co-workers who travel in the same direction as you. You can share fuel expenses and will also have company while getting to and returning from the office.

Unplug all electrical devices you aren't using 

 
Did you know that even if you have disconnected your phone from your charger, but have left your charger plugged into your wall socket with the switch in the 'on' position, it still consumes electricity and costs money? Unplug all electrical devices you aren't using.

Use CFLs instead of regular bulbs

 
Compact fluorescent light bulbs (CFLs) are in high demand these days due to their many benefits like an extended lifespan and significantly less electrical usage. While you may end up paying a little more for a CFL light bulb than a regular one, it will cost you less in the long run where electricity bills are concerned. Opt for branded CFLs as they are known to be more energy efficient. Here's an interesting tip - when you are comparing bulbs, use the lumens number and not the equivalent wattages. The lumens indicate the actual amount of light that the bulb emits.

Cancel magazine and newspaper subscriptions that you don't really read

 
If you have subscribed to magazines and newspapers that you don't really read and only just skim through, ask yourself, will you really miss it if you cancel it? If the answer is no, go ahead and do that. An unread subscription is nothing more than expensive clutter and you can put that money towards your holiday shopping spree.

Cook extra food and store it in your freezer 

 
Whenever you get down to cooking, make a few extra portions so that you can freeze the extra portion and use them as future meals. You could even take the extra leftovers to work the next day or pack it in your kids' lunchboxes. Don't throw your leftovers away, because on browsing the web, you will find tons of ingenious recipe ideas on how you can give your leftovers a makeover to get a brand new, delicious meal.

Cut down on eating or ordering out 

 
You come home tired from work and the last thing you want to do is whip up a three course meal. So you automatically reach for the phone and dial the local pizzeria's number. While ordering out can be time-saving, it takes quite a toll on your expenses. Instead, have some shortcuts in place like have your maid cut the veggies before you get home from work, or look for simple recipes like sir-frys. You could also start a tiffin service which is more economical than ordering in.

Groom yourself at home 

 
Think about the amount of money you spend on facials, haircuts, waxing, bleaching, manicures and pedicures every month. You could end up saving quite a bit if you cut back on how often you go to the parlor. For instance, if you go for a mani-pedi twice a month, start going just once a month. You could also groom yourself at home with the amount of DIY grooming products available in the market that costs a quarter of what you would spend at a parlor or salon.

Have a garage sale 

 
You probably have tons of clothes, furniture, books, accessories etc in your home that you probably haven't used for ages now. If these items are just sitting in your home collecting dust, have a garage sale. While the concept of garage sales isn't very popular in India yet, you could post your unwanted items on Quickr or OLX. 

SAVING MONEY

  The New Best Day to Book a Flight Is Sunday

 Sunday is the new Tuesday when it comes to getting the best deal on plane tickets, a new study reveals.

Airlines Reporting Corporation (ARC), which is responsible for half of all tickets sold, crunched the data on domestic and international ticket sales between January 2013 through July 2014. It found that average ticket prices were lowest on Sunday, challenging previous advice to start shopping for tickets on Tuesdayor get out your credit card on Wednesday at 1am.

Here's their chart (domestic prices on the left, international on the right):

The Wall Street Journal theorizes that prices are lowest on the weekend because airline executives come into work on Monday thinking about hiking up the fares rather than discounting them. Als


The lower Sunday and Saturday prices also result from the ability social media has given airlines to throw discounts in front of consumers at any time. That turns vacation shoppers surfing the Web on weekends into ticketed passengers without discounting tickets business travelers might buy while at work. And the findings reflect the lack of corporate sales over the weekend, since business travelers typically fly on more expensive tickets than vacation buyers.

Despite these findings, however, you might still want to check on Tuesdays, because if the airline is going to offer a discount to sell more seats, Tuesday is the most likely day that'll happen:


Airline pricing executives say the historic pattern has been for airlines to add up sales over the weekend and decide on Monday whether to stimulate purchases with discounts they tout in ads in Tuesday's newspapers.
If you book on Sunday and the price drops on Tuesday (or vice versa), you might be able to get a refund. Either way, these are the two days to keep an eye on if you're planning on flying. ARC's data also confirmed that the booking about 7-8 weeks before your flight is the best for the lowest fares.

10 ‘Health’ Foods May Be Ruining Your Health

These 10 ‘Health’ Foods May Be Ruining Your Health

 

Just because something is supposed to be healthy, that doesn't mean it actually is. There are many unhealthy foods that are masquerading as healthy options. These foods may actually contribute to ruining your health. So when you hit the supermarket next, these are the 10 health foods to avoid putting in your shopping cart. 

Rice cakes

 Many people claim that rice cakes were the ultimate diet food during the 80s and 90s when the no-fat/low-fat craze was just becoming popular. But what you probably don't know is that rice cakes possess a glycemic index rating of as high as 91 (pure glucose has a rating of 100). This kind of carbohydrate will send your blood sugar shooting through the roof, making it a bad choice for your diet and your health too.

Fat-free salad dressings

 
Regular salad dressings are a combination of plant oils, which are filled with antioxidants and essential fatty acids, and vinegar, which helps to control blood sugar. But many food companies have been forced to explore fat-free versions of this healthy food item. Fat-free salad dressings possess emulsifying agents, high fructose corn syrup and sugar and other unhealthy items to turn the unnatural into natural, causing them to be a very unhealthy choice. You would be better off with a regular salad dressing as opposed to a fat-free version.  

Re-fortified and refined grains

Most carbohydrates that you find on supermarket shelves are in the form of refined and re-fortified grains, which make it one of the hardest things to steer clear of. Grain-based foods such as pastas, breakfast cereals, and rice products which have been refined to remove the naturally occurring vitamins, fiber, and minerals are known as re-fortified and refined grains. This fiber that was initially removed is then replaced with synthetic versions of the minerals and vitamins. Instead of choosing these kinds of 'healthy' food items, stick to the natural unfortified stuff.

Sugar-sweetened beverages

 
Sugar-sweetened beverages are one of the unhealthiest items on this list. The calories will work their way onto your waistline, without leaving you feeling full. Simple sugars are known to increase your triglyceride levels and lower your good cholesterol, both contributing factors to the risk of heart disease. Sugary beverages also cause disruptions in your body's inflammatory balance. This increases your risk of chronic diseases and makes it harder for your body to recover from exercise.

Wheat bread

 
Wheat added to just about any carbohydrate tends to get labeled as a wheat product. Bread may contain enriched flour if it isn't 100% whole wheat. Enriched flour strips the nutrients from the bread. They cause your body to have a sugar spike and crash without providing any nutritional value. Instead, you should opt for fiber-rich breads which are 100% whole wheat. Other good options to explore are sprouted and multigrain breads. Another great way to lose the pounds is to do away with bread altogether, and use romaine lettuce as the base for your sandwiches.
  

Dried fruit

Dried fruit may have tons of fiber, but it also has a lot of added sugar and sulfur, which allows it to stay preserved for longer. This dried fruit is known to contain at least three times more calories per volume than its fresh counterpart. For instance, a bag of dried banana chips contains 20% more fat and three times as many calories as a fresh banana fruit. When it comes to fruit, the fresher the better. A bowlful of fresh fruit will give your body all the nutrients it needs and will leave you feeling fuller for longer. 

Flavored soy milk

Yes, soy can be a source of protein and potassium. But drinking the vanilla or chocolate flavors adds 10 grams of sugar and 50 calories per cup. No thanks!

Swap it for: regular soy milk, or you could try almond milk or hemp milk. If you're staying away from dairy these are two great options.
 

Fat-free flavored yogurt

Unfortunately, any food that claims to be fat-free is not a health food. Fat-free foods use sugar as replacements, and fat-free flavored yogurts aren't any different. Even if they have fresh fruit in it, they are still unhealthy options. Instead of fat-free flavored yogurt, try regular yogurt with a few pieces of fresh fruit added into it. Apples, blueberries, strawberries, banana, peaches, grapes are all great options. To sweeten it up a bit more, add a drizzle of honey.

Protein bars

Most protein bars simply contain processed artificial fillers and ingredients. That is why it is critical to read the label to see what you are about to chew down on. A lot of protein bars are exactly like a high-calorie candy bar with a bit of protein sprinkled in it for good measure. If a protein bar has more than eight grams of sugar and over 200 calories, you might want to skip that aisle in the supermarket. If you want a boost of protein in the middle of the day, try hummus or a bean dip with pita or veggies. These items have protein from the source, unlike how they are artificially added to protein bars.

Granola bars

Granola bars should only be eaten if you are planning on skipping a meal if you have no time. These bars, however, are packed with sodium, sugar and saturated fat. A granola bar is just about as healthy as a Snickers bar. Doesn't sound too healthy, does it? Instead of grabbing a granola bar, have a small piece of dark chocolate and some sliced mango. This delicious, nutritious and healthy snack leaves you feeling satiated at a fraction of the sugar and calorie content that a granola bar has. Plus, you get to feed your sweet-tooth absolutely guilt-free!

 

Depressed? Try Drinking Lemon Water

Depressed? Try Drinking Lemon Water

 In the day and age of constant competition and stress, depression is not something unheard of. While the sad state that we sometimes are in may not be typically termed 'Depression', because that is a lot worse a condition, we still feel underappreciated, unacknowledged, anxious, and in our very own ways, depressed.


Here is a quick and simple method of dealing with depression. The next time you feel depressed, try having lemon juice. This would provide your body the necessary energy after it enters the digestive system, and would help reduce anxiety and depression.

If you can't have lemon juice, you can even inhale the scent of lemon. This is proven to have calming effects on your nervous system, uplifting your mood and making you less anxious.

Other than dealing with depression, lemon water can also help you in dealing with fatigue.

How Restaurant Menus Play Tricks on Your Mind

This Diagram Shows How Restaurant Menus Play Tricks on Your Mind

 

 You may be pledging to eat healthier, but chances are that restaurant down the street has different plans. Restaurants know exactly how to trick your mind into eating the items that make them the most money, rather than the item you may actually want.

 

Hover over the image and click "Expand" to see the full resolution version.


Researchers at the Cornell University Food and Brand Lab analyzed 217 menus at over 300 diners and published their findings in the International Journal of Hospitality Management. As you'd expect, bold or colored text, separate boxes, and the spatial layout of the menu can make a big difference. They also found that items with more descriptive items-like "Succulent Italian Seafood Filet" instead of "Seafood Filet"-sold significantly more, even when it was the exact same recipe.


None of this is particularly new-in fact, we've talked about it once before. But the diagram (however crudely drawn) organizes everything nicely, so if you're more of a visual learner, it's worth looking at. Also useful is their advice for overcoming these tricks: ask the waiter or waitress what the most-complimented "healthy" item is. 

They explain:

 

Avoid Menu Traps

 

Hit the link for more information on the study.

 

Slim by design: Menu strategies for promoting high-margin, healthy foods | International Journal of Hospitality Management via Cornell University

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

World of Psychology

Have a "Pen Party" to Help a Child with ADHD

 

 

 

 

 

  

Kids with ADHD have trouble concentrating and staying motivated in school. They often need something new and different to grab their attention. Changing out the school supplies might help.

Over at World of Psychology, they've interviewed ADHD coach Laurie Dupar for some school related tips. She suggests letting kids pick the school supplies:

Letting your kids pick their supplies" helps to reaffirm they can make a choice about something," Dupar said.
Plus, it can help their schoolwork. Picking out a particular pen can help kids who're struggling with writing, she said. "Kids with ADHD are tactilely and sensory sensitive." Using some writing utensils can be uncomfortable for them, she said. You can even host a pen party, and have kids try out each other's pens, she said.
Take your kids shopping for new pens or highlighters several times a year so they have something new and novel to enjoy in class, she said.

 This won't work for every child, but it's a tool parents or teachers can use to help kids get their schoolwork done.

World of Psychology.